I had too many things going on in my life. It has been pretty hectic and so fast. I swear I lost track of time. 2015 has been a really tough year for me. I don't know where to begin it with. It is by far one of the worst year my family and I had. And I just could not believe everything that had happened. It goes by with just a blink of an eye.
See this pretty lady over here, this is my late grandmother Jane Jenie anak Jilum. She is the strongest, bravest, courageous, kindest, lovely woman I have known in my entire short almost 20 years of life. My grandmother was the one that will always be there for me through thick and thin since both of my parents divorced when I was still a little baby. She took care of me ever since. It has been a rough 3 weeks without her. She passed away on the 24th of April 2015 and only God knows how heart broken I am deep inside. I broke down too many time that day because half of me was gone with her. I could not imagine a life without her and now I am actually living a life without her and it is devastating. I miss her a lot. But I need to be strong for my family and I. My grandmother has only one dream for us, the grandchildren and that is to graduate from university. She emphasizes on the importance of education for us because all she wants was the best for each and everyone of us. The saddest thing about it is that she could not attend any of her grandchildren's graduation. She could not be in the crowd cheering for us when we are up on the stage receiving our certificate or even be in the picture with us .
I am sorry I could not buy you things with my very own hard earned money, I am sorry for not being able to buy you the things I've dreamed of giving you once I had a job, I am sorry for all the wrongdoings I did to you, and out of all I am sorry for being such a pain in the ass.
This sadness within me is something I could not describe literately or verbally because my love for her is beyond words. A week before she passed away, I was leaving Bintulu for Kuching. I was there taking care of her every need for a week since it was a mid term break. Never would I ever imagined that it was the last kiss and farewell we had.
I will forever cherish the moment I had with her and I promised to take good care of my grandpa because he is the only one I had left. I will make you proud inik, I will fulfill the dreams you had set up for me. I want you to be happy up above.
"We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God". - Acts 14:22 NIV
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